frustrated

they make it hard for me to say what i want...they ask what i want but its not like it can be easily acquired by a wave of a magic wand! i know its expensive that's why i've changed my mind already. then they make up this whole jealousy sibling thing!! my god....who would be jealous over my older sister?! im just thinking about them in the first place!! the repercussion of the actions that are being made now will happen when i leave already...so its not like its an easy thing..i tell them i'll just get it in the future with my own money...then they fret up!! what the hell is wrong with them?! im already trying to alleviate the stress by not adding more to the costs of everything......its all about the money!!! everything!!! i know these are tough times already that's why!! that's why!! i dont want that stupid lap top anymore!! seeing you guys kill yourselves over the money for it is just heart breaking!!! so enough....just stop it....please.......i want to leave already.....now....i love them to death...but its too much already...i want my own space...

i havent blogged anything in the longest time....but i feel its about time i go back to blogging.....going to Miren or Keight isnt exactly an easy choice for me right now...they have enough things to worry about, combined even! anyways...

im losing grip of myself lately.....i feel so unfulfilled and unsatisfied....im always thinking about getting away from here....moving out to a different country....running away from everything....if this is how it feels when one is thrown in the real world...i just hope to find some reassurance and answers to these random thoughts...its just when i think back to it, back in grade school i easily know im going to end up in high school. then when i was in highschool i know i was going to end up in a culinary school....and when i was in culinary school all i know was that i was going to start working after that.....now that im working.......................i dont know...........what's going on? why's it like this? i feel like i cant see where im going anymore except if i move out the country...........the road has always been bright for me....but now, things are hazy and uncertain..........