aside from graduating this coming saturday...a lot of other things have happened to me already...for such a short period of time actually...
i got drunk for the first time yesterday. Miren and I finished a bottle of tequila on our own! it was a funny experience for me....but its a night that won't be easily forgotten through alcohol alone.
then earlier today, after the parish involvement of my little sister, Mica...i received a call from Mary (my friend from ISCAHM, whom i was suppose to meet up tomorrow)..*i was driving at the moment she called me* she called to inform me that she cant make it tomorrow coz her girlfriend wants to go on a date! yes, her girlfriend....i was totally thrown off by that! coz i didnt realize that Mary's gay...I mean i kinda got the vibe but wasnt really sure since she was really femmenine, thin and has long hair. so after learning something we have in common, i just started sharing my own life to her while i was driving. then after the phone call...i realized and just remembered...that my little sister, Mica was with me through the whole conversation. i dont know why i wasnt able to shut my mouth during that conversation. momentarily lapse of decision making? or an urge to actually come out? whatever it was...i cant take back what ive said. so i told Mica the truth of who I really am. and as usual, i started crying while i told her my story. i dont know if she understands or even care...but i know i can trust her not to tell anybody. i know her well enough for that alone. i explained to Mica that its alright if she wants to talk about it,its alright if she wants to ask me something or to just tell me anything....because in this family of mine, i noticed...nobody actually say anything about what they really feel or what they think of whatever. serious matters that are obviously happening right infront of my eyes are left unspoken and not explained. its like, suddenly i just found out not from my parents but from my cousin...that my uncle has left my aunt for another woman! i know its not really my business...but still, i wondered what happened to uncle Alex...and another incident was when my brother's wife suddenly left him! His wife didnt come back for days....and then after a week she's suddenly back...i know its none of my business...but i dont like this...its like nothing is explained...matters are left unspoken...
im so afraid of coming out to my parents...but like Miren told me...the day i come out to my parents is sooner than i actually expect it to be after this....it cant wait anymore....after graduating...the hope of getting a job in abroad is still uncertain...and i really do pray i get it so i can get out of here....because i feel that when i come out to my parents...things will change for the worse...to make things easier, it'll be better if i wasnt around, wouldnt it? or am i just runnning away? i dont know anymore...i dont know what i should think about...im pathetic....
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