the "talk"

yesterday i had lunch alone with miren coz k8 had songfest practice. i was just babbling on about the exit interview i had in the guidance with my classmates to miren when she asked if i was happy...i thought she was asking if i was happy with my class...so immediatly i said no...but after saying that...miren added other things which made me realize some things about myself. i didnt say anything in return...well a direct reaction to it until today. obviously, i just wrote it through a note. i can never explain myself well when i actually do it will always be through notes or letters...and even through that letter i feel i wasnt able to explain myself well...im always "wishy-washy" (a term i use on myself meaning...umm...basta yun! ahahaha!) i never really thought about anything so far (serious things i mean)..not until yesterday...its one of those questions that just suddenly hit you point blank and makes you think...to others, i suppose it would be easy to answer...but in my case...i thought about it. i dont know why i did...i just did...

and yeah, i am happy with my life! knowing i have great friends who cares! parents who love me! i have so much blessings and im so thankful to God for them! but (as mentioned in my note) i cant help feel regrets about my past...it comes and goes with depression, i guess...but doesnt everyone go through that?

growing up...geeez....what a mess! >___O for someone who just turned legally 18...things keep pilling up! miren said before "aging is inevitable but growing up is optional" i say I CHOOSE that option!! ahehehe...well someday i will grow up...i wrote this in sharina's palanca..."maybe the reason why i dont want to grow up is cause i'll be needing to think about more serious things (like coming out to my family) and those kind of things..the thought just scares me"

i obviously cant keep running away from it...but until then...i would want to ignore the matter...

i'll get a job first!!!